So, despite loving every moment of my holiday (when’s the next one?), today it was actually quite nice to start work: to get stuck into something that I know that, despite all the anxiety, I’m going to end up loving.
Having spent just a year doing the PGCE, rather than 3 or 4 doing the degree, I knew there were going to be gaps in my knowledge. However, the consensus is that, despite completing whatever course with however many placements, Uni does not prepare you for real school. Even though throughout those placements you are planning and marking and working to ungodly hours trying to get the hang of it all, no one can prepare you for the responsibility that flying solo places upon your shoulders.
I knew, and prepared myself, for the overwhelming thought that I will have 30 little lives depending on me. But it goes beyond that: there is so much intricacy, so much that goes into that fact. They’re really depending on me: there’s no one else to share that with now.
I’m in charge of adults, too. I have to manage people and they’re going to be OK with that (as long as I do it well). Something I was discussing today was the fact that I don’t necessarily want to delegate wrongly and result in people being cross with me. But at the same time, I can’t have bored, unused staff and I can’t be doing everything. And I have to be OK with that. It might take some getting used to.
So, today was intense. There was a lot to think about and remember and I wasn’t expecting so much. And I’m going to have to get used to the pressure of it all, because slipping isn’t an option: I want to do the best for these pupils and they don’t need an anxious teacher!